The Dream

THE VISION and THE JOURNEY

Habakkuk 2:1-4

New King James Version (NKJV)

I will stand my watch

And set myself on the rampart,

And watch to see what He will say to me,

And what I will answer when I am corrected.

The Just Live by Faith

Then the Lord answered me and said:

“Write the vision

And make it plain on tablets,

That he may run who reads it.

For the vision is yet for an appointed time;

But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie.

Though it tarries, wait for it;

Because it will surely come,

It will not tarry.

“Behold the proud,

His soul is not upright in him;

But the just shall live by his faith.

BEGINNINGS

Several years ago (in the 1990’s) I had a dream, and I believe (rather NOW I KNOW) that the dream was from God.  In this dream I saw an older house (possibly a foreclosure) which I purchased, rehabbed, and painted the exterior a bright yellow.  Each room was brightly decorated.  This was the beginning of ‘Grandma’s Place.’  So vivid was this dream, that in 1997, I registered the DBA ‘Grandma’s Place’ at the Forsyth County Register of Deeds.  I have recently verified online that I actually registered this name, thus ‘Grandma’s Place’ is in reality, my DBA.

What was the purpose of this bright yellow house?  Grandma’s Place was to be a 24-hour, 7-day child care facility.  My target market would be ‘single’ moms, who because of their need to provide for their families, may have to work odd or extra hours, many times on days or times when traditional day care was not available.  I believed very strongly that most single moms didn’t want to live off the system, but wanted to work to provide for their families.  They needed safe, reliable, available day care.  Thus, Grandma’s Place would be birthed to meet such a need.

The dream was so overwhelming, though.  How could I accomplish this?  I didn’t have the money; the expertise; the support.  It was, after all, just a dream.  If it was from God, He didn’t tell me what to do or how I would make this dream a reality.  So I kept the dream to myself and continued to push it back down whenever it would come up in my spirit over the next several years.

NUDGES

As I look back now over the past several years, I realize that God kept the dream alive within me and that each time I felt the dream resurface, even though I pushed it out of my ‘mind,’ it was the Holy Spirit gently reminding me of the dream that I carried within me.  Throughout, the years, the Holy Spirit has given me gentle ‘nudges’ to remind me that I was still pregnant with the dream and  He was keeping it alive until I was ready to give birth to it.

I remember being at, I think, a revival at the church several years ago.  The evangelist spoke directly to me, assuring me that I was not ‘too old.’  I was ready to give up on the dream, attributing it to the belief that I was too old to start something of this magnitude.  Although I received the message, and it was quite clear what the evangelist meant, I still continued to push the dream back.

There was also the time when I was on a missions trip that the dream resurfaced.  We would have personal devotion time before we would come together as a group.  Once again, during personal devotion time, this dream resurfaced.  I even shared it during our group devotion as well as I also shared it with the pastor that we were there to assist.  They were all very supportive.  The leader of the missions groups even gave me some ‘next’ steps, and the pastor made me accountable to her by giving me her contact information so I could keep her posted of my progress.  Yet, once again, the magnitude of it all frightened me to the point of doing nothing.

Time and time again, the Holy Spirit would bring the dream to my remembrance, yet time and time again, I would not take any action.  Looking back, I am thankful that God didn’t give up on me and honored me as a vessel (albeit a not so willing vessel) to place His dream within.

LEADING THE BLIND

Psalm 37:23-24

Complete Jewish Bible (CJB)

²³ Adonai directs a person’s steps,
and he delights in his way.
 ²⁴ He may stumble, but he won’t fall headlong,
for Adonai holds him by the hand.

Though for many years I was blind to the fact that I must give birth to the dream that had been placed within me, God continued to direct me on a path of preparation, leading to full-term to give birth. 

I provided child care of some kind for four of my five grandchildren, whether it was full time while their mom worked, before/after school, or just on an ‘as needed’ basis.  My love for children and my passion to help single moms help themselves made being an ‘active’ grandma a natural thing.  I have also been a nursery worker in the past; a substitute teacher; a relief worker for a day care; director of the after school program at church and grandma to many children and teens that the Lord has placed in my life.

I see all of these activities as God’s way of preparing me for what would ultimately lay ahead…the birthing of Grandma’s Place.  I also studied Psychology at a local college, and although due to life circumstances, I didn’t finish my degree, I found my interest being peaked when we focused on child development/psychology.

THE DREAM REKINDLED

Life has not been easy over the years.  Relationship struggles, family challenges, financial roadblocks (and bad choices) and most recently, the deaths of loved ones has made life difficult to say the least.  I thought I was handling everything as well as could be expected (maybe a little better or at least that is what I thought). 

I attended church all of my life and made a life-changing decision for Christ in my 20’s.  So my relationship with God was fine, or so I thought.  However, after the passing of my husband, there came an awareness that something wasn’t quite right.  I felt alone; rejected; ignored.  The dream became almost non-existent to me because I was so focused on life.  I became angry, and my misguided anger was aimed toward those that I loved most…my family, friends, and church.  Somehow, ‘they’ had let me down.  ‘They’ just didn’t understand.  ‘They’ didn’t love or accept me.

My husband passed in October of 2011, totally unexpected.  I understood that the emotional roller coaster that I was on was part of the grief process, but why was I so angry?  This was so out of character for me, and the anger kept growing, and was directed toward those that I loved the most.  What was wrong with ‘them’ (it couldn’t be anything wrong with me)?  Then in October 2012 an opportunity came for me to go to the ‘God Adventure for Women’ sponsored by my church.  The start date of the weekend of the God Adventure was on the 1^st anniversary of my husband’s death.  There was a gentle nudging by the Holy Spirit to go, but I didn’t understand why at the time.  I thought it was probably a good weekend to get away, but little did I know…

I went to the God Adventure with the attitude of ‘I really didn’t need to be there.’  I was still very angry (still didn’t know why).  During that weekend, God showed me Who I was really angry at.  I was angry at Him.  The revelation of that fact changed my life!  I repented and now I am free!

Now, I am free.  I am free to be the ‘me’ who God intended me to be.  I’m free to love, worship and praise the ONE who loved me ‘in spite of.’  I realize this note has so many ‘I’s’ in it, but this is my story; my testimony; my journey to a place where I can give birth to the dream that HE (God) has placed within me.  Ultimately, it’s all about Him…His grace; His mercy; His love.  It’s about His trusting ‘ordinary me’ to do something extraordinary to share His love with others.

Now, to step out on faith and allow the Holy Spirit to help me give birth to the dream.  Birth and growth is a process and takes time.  Right now, I am in the labor stage, and labor can be long and painful sometimes, but when it is over, it is well worth it.  I am thankful that God has protected the dream within and that He will be there with me through labor and will be there with outstretched arms when I deliver.

Why do I share this?  I believe my transparency will encourage others.  We are all fearfully and wonderfully made and God has a plan and purpose for YOUR life.  Large or small…what may seem insignificant to you may be HUGE for the kingdom.  Even if you are a shut in, God has gifted you with talents, desires and deep inside of you resides a God-given dream…a ministry that He is waiting for you to give birth to.  Every life is significant because every life is designed by God.  Don’t be afraid to walk in your calling.  You will make a difference!

Love,

Lolly