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Like Two Ships in the Night

I believe the idea for this poem was given to me by the Lord on Sunday morning, December 8, 2013.  I guess I should have written it down right away to preserve its authenticity, but as I pen it now, I believe the message contained within will still be conveyed.  The message herein was confirmed by the sermon and altar call in church the same morning.  I pray that it will minister to parents and grandparents who may find themselves in similar challenging situations.

Two Ships in the Night

Silence, darkness, lack of light
Living each day independently and passing each other like two ships in the night.

No real communication
Perhaps an occasional smile
And me wondering what have I done wrong, all the while.

(This is where I believe the Lord began to minister to me)

Then deep within I heard my 'Daddy' say:

My child I truly love you, and I love her too
Even when it doesn't seem like it
I sacrificed it all for you.

I have given you an assignment
And believe it or not, you've done well
For in me there is no failure
And truly time will tell.

So let go and stop fretting, feeling you haven't done your part
You've planted the seeds deep within...
You've loved, you've nurtured, you've been there, just as I have called you to do
But now it is time for her to be accountable
To herself and to ME to be true.

You see, you've prayed for her to have God thoughts
You've prayed that she may hear my voice
So let go and believe that, ultimately, she will make the right choice.

I'VE got this He said
I have not given up on her nor should you
Continue to pray, love and nurture
That's what I have called you to do.

Rest in me, knowing that I am in control and fully aware
No day nor night goes unnoticed
Every second, day and night, I do care.

Surrender her to Me and believe that I am capable of handling it all
You have done what I called you to do
You've successfully answered my call.

Now, as you pass each other like two ships in the night,
Know confidently I am at the stern
Life is an ongoing challenge
A daily lesson to be learned.

But I will never leave nor forsake either one of you
And if you truly hear My Voice
You will and she will
Ultimately make the right choice.

My prayer is that you will find encouragement as you read these words.  You have been faithful to what God has called you to do.  Love and pursue God and rest in the 'Hopeful Expectation' that God is able to bring it all to completion!

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

The Voice (VOICE)

¹⁶ So we have no reason to despair. Despite the fact that our outer humanity is falling apart and decaying, our inner humanity is breathing in new life every day. ¹⁷ You see, the short-lived pains of this life are creating for us an eternal glory that does not compare to anything we know here. ¹⁸ So we do not set our sights on the things we can see with our eyes. All of that is fleeting; it will eventually fade away. Instead, we focus on the things we cannot see, which live on and on.

Love you,

Lolly

The Dream

THE VISION and THE JOURNEY

Habakkuk 2:1-4

New King James Version (NKJV)

I will stand my watch

And set myself on the rampart,

And watch to see what He will say to me,

And what I will answer when I am corrected.

The Just Live by Faith

Then the Lord answered me and said:

“Write the vision

And make it plain on tablets,

That he may run who reads it.

For the vision is yet for an appointed time;

But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie.

Though it tarries, wait for it;

Because it will surely come,

It will not tarry.

“Behold the proud,

His soul is not upright in him;

But the just shall live by his faith.

BEGINNINGS

Several years ago (in the 1990’s) I had a dream, and I believe (rather NOW I KNOW) that the dream was from God.  In this dream I saw an older house (possibly a foreclosure) which I purchased, rehabbed, and painted the exterior a bright yellow.  Each room was brightly decorated.  This was the beginning of ‘Grandma’s Place.’  So vivid was this dream, that in 1997, I registered the DBA ‘Grandma’s Place’ at the Forsyth County Register of Deeds.  I have recently verified online that I actually registered this name, thus ‘Grandma’s Place’ is in reality, my DBA.

What was the purpose of this bright yellow house?  Grandma’s Place was to be a 24-hour, 7-day child care facility.  My target market would be ‘single’ moms, who because of their need to provide for their families, may have to work odd or extra hours, many times on days or times when traditional day care was not available.  I believed very strongly that most single moms didn’t want to live off the system, but wanted to work to provide for their families.  They needed safe, reliable, available day care.  Thus, Grandma’s Place would be birthed to meet such a need.

The dream was so overwhelming, though.  How could I accomplish this?  I didn’t have the money; the expertise; the support.  It was, after all, just a dream.  If it was from God, He didn’t tell me what to do or how I would make this dream a reality.  So I kept the dream to myself and continued to push it back down whenever it would come up in my spirit over the next several years.

NUDGES

As I look back now over the past several years, I realize that God kept the dream alive within me and that each time I felt the dream resurface, even though I pushed it out of my ‘mind,’ it was the Holy Spirit gently reminding me of the dream that I carried within me.  Throughout, the years, the Holy Spirit has given me gentle ‘nudges’ to remind me that I was still pregnant with the dream and  He was keeping it alive until I was ready to give birth to it.

I remember being at, I think, a revival at the church several years ago.  The evangelist spoke directly to me, assuring me that I was not ‘too old.’  I was ready to give up on the dream, attributing it to the belief that I was too old to start something of this magnitude.  Although I received the message, and it was quite clear what the evangelist meant, I still continued to push the dream back.

There was also the time when I was on a missions trip that the dream resurfaced.  We would have personal devotion time before we would come together as a group.  Once again, during personal devotion time, this dream resurfaced.  I even shared it during our group devotion as well as I also shared it with the pastor that we were there to assist.  They were all very supportive.  The leader of the missions groups even gave me some ‘next’ steps, and the pastor made me accountable to her by giving me her contact information so I could keep her posted of my progress.  Yet, once again, the magnitude of it all frightened me to the point of doing nothing.

Time and time again, the Holy Spirit would bring the dream to my remembrance, yet time and time again, I would not take any action.  Looking back, I am thankful that God didn’t give up on me and honored me as a vessel (albeit a not so willing vessel) to place His dream within.

LEADING THE BLIND

Psalm 37:23-24

Complete Jewish Bible (CJB)

²³ Adonai directs a person’s steps,
and he delights in his way.
 ²⁴ He may stumble, but he won’t fall headlong,
for Adonai holds him by the hand.

Though for many years I was blind to the fact that I must give birth to the dream that had been placed within me, God continued to direct me on a path of preparation, leading to full-term to give birth. 

I provided child care of some kind for four of my five grandchildren, whether it was full time while their mom worked, before/after school, or just on an ‘as needed’ basis.  My love for children and my passion to help single moms help themselves made being an ‘active’ grandma a natural thing.  I have also been a nursery worker in the past; a substitute teacher; a relief worker for a day care; director of the after school program at church and grandma to many children and teens that the Lord has placed in my life.

I see all of these activities as God’s way of preparing me for what would ultimately lay ahead…the birthing of Grandma’s Place.  I also studied Psychology at a local college, and although due to life circumstances, I didn’t finish my degree, I found my interest being peaked when we focused on child development/psychology.

THE DREAM REKINDLED

Life has not been easy over the years.  Relationship struggles, family challenges, financial roadblocks (and bad choices) and most recently, the deaths of loved ones has made life difficult to say the least.  I thought I was handling everything as well as could be expected (maybe a little better or at least that is what I thought). 

I attended church all of my life and made a life-changing decision for Christ in my 20’s.  So my relationship with God was fine, or so I thought.  However, after the passing of my husband, there came an awareness that something wasn’t quite right.  I felt alone; rejected; ignored.  The dream became almost non-existent to me because I was so focused on life.  I became angry, and my misguided anger was aimed toward those that I loved most…my family, friends, and church.  Somehow, ‘they’ had let me down.  ‘They’ just didn’t understand.  ‘They’ didn’t love or accept me.

My husband passed in October of 2011, totally unexpected.  I understood that the emotional roller coaster that I was on was part of the grief process, but why was I so angry?  This was so out of character for me, and the anger kept growing, and was directed toward those that I loved the most.  What was wrong with ‘them’ (it couldn’t be anything wrong with me)?  Then in October 2012 an opportunity came for me to go to the ‘God Adventure for Women’ sponsored by my church.  The start date of the weekend of the God Adventure was on the 1^st anniversary of my husband’s death.  There was a gentle nudging by the Holy Spirit to go, but I didn’t understand why at the time.  I thought it was probably a good weekend to get away, but little did I know…

I went to the God Adventure with the attitude of ‘I really didn’t need to be there.’  I was still very angry (still didn’t know why).  During that weekend, God showed me Who I was really angry at.  I was angry at Him.  The revelation of that fact changed my life!  I repented and now I am free!

Now, I am free.  I am free to be the ‘me’ who God intended me to be.  I’m free to love, worship and praise the ONE who loved me ‘in spite of.’  I realize this note has so many ‘I’s’ in it, but this is my story; my testimony; my journey to a place where I can give birth to the dream that HE (God) has placed within me.  Ultimately, it’s all about Him…His grace; His mercy; His love.  It’s about His trusting ‘ordinary me’ to do something extraordinary to share His love with others.

Now, to step out on faith and allow the Holy Spirit to help me give birth to the dream.  Birth and growth is a process and takes time.  Right now, I am in the labor stage, and labor can be long and painful sometimes, but when it is over, it is well worth it.  I am thankful that God has protected the dream within and that He will be there with me through labor and will be there with outstretched arms when I deliver.

Why do I share this?  I believe my transparency will encourage others.  We are all fearfully and wonderfully made and God has a plan and purpose for YOUR life.  Large or small…what may seem insignificant to you may be HUGE for the kingdom.  Even if you are a shut in, God has gifted you with talents, desires and deep inside of you resides a God-given dream…a ministry that He is waiting for you to give birth to.  Every life is significant because every life is designed by God.  Don’t be afraid to walk in your calling.  You will make a difference!

Love,

Lolly

Time Flies

'The bad news is time flies.  The good news is you're the pilot.'  Michael Althsuler

My supervisor posted this quote in the chat room last week.  What an awesome quote!  One of my coworkers made comments regarding turbulence and wind shears.   As I chuckled at his comments, I began to think about this quote and his comments and how they apply to everyday life.

'The bad news is time flies....'  Boy, does it ever!  Sayings like, 'where did time go;' 'there's never enough time;' 'time is of the essence,' come to mind.  We look around and time has 'slipped by.'  We put off until tomorrow those things we don't have time for today.  Then tomorrow comes and goes, not slowing or stopping to allow us to accomplish those things that we should have done yesterday.

'The good news is you're the pilot.'  Yes, that could be good news, depending on how we handle our time.  I guess this part of the quote says we are in control of what we accomplish during the time given to us each day.  It's all about making a choice, a decision, regarding what we do with our time.  Do we put off those 'hard' things; those aggravating things; those 'boring' things until tomorrow.  Okay, Scarlett O'Hara,  "Tomorrow I'll think of some way...after all, tomorrow is another day," and then tomorrow comes and goes leaving behind the unfinished business of yesterday.  Do we choose to procrastinate instead of dealing with today's challenges... today?  I understand that some things take time.  But are we working on those time consuming things....even a little bit at a time.  Or are we choosing to put them off until we reach a point of being out of time?  ???  Just a thought.

Visualizing the picture that this quote paints, I can see some of the obstacles we may run into as we attempt to swiftly pilot through the time given to us in our lifetime.  My coworker mentioned turbulence.  On our trip back from California in November of last year, we ran into turbulence.  The captain forewarned us of the impeding turbulence; however, he did not stop the plane, but continued to pilot through.  He used his time by preparing for the rough ride ahead.  When turbulence hit, he was prepared and we were prepared.  I am sure it was challenging, but he didn't waste time by panicking.  He did what he was trained to do and safely navigated us to our destination.  During our lifetime, we will hit some turbulence.  Do we panic and not deal with it?  Or do we continue to pilot through, knowing that ultimately, even though the plane is given to us to fly, God is in control.  Jesus prepares us by both forewarning us and assuring us in John 16:33.  So we can choose to trust that knowledge, our faith, to trust that we will make it to our destination, no matter how rocky the ride may be. Time stops for no one.  We must keep going, knowing that this too (this turbulence) will pass.

Sometimes, as we pilot through life, we hit a wind shear.  Something so forceful that it may knock us off course.  Do we stop, too petrified to continue, while time continues to pass us by?  Or do we take whatever steps are necessary to get back on track in a timely manner. In Romans 8:28-37 we are given the confidence that nothing can separate us from the love of Christ, no matter how forceful those wind shears may seem.  We are more than conquerors, so choose to get back on course and keep going.  

So time does fly, but it is up to us to make the best of it.  With God's help we can successfully pilot through the time given to us each day and throughout our lifetime.  The choice is ours minute by minute; hour by hour; day by day; week by week; month by month; year by year.  What do you choose to do with your time right now?

Love ya,
Lolly

A Tribute to Mommie

Today, March 2nd, is my grandmother's birthday.  She was known to me and my brother as 'Mommie.' because she didn't want to be called any of those 'grandmotherly' names.  And yes, she spelled it with 'ie' instead of  'y.'  But she was every bit a grandmother and more to me and my bother.  I loved her dearly.

Mommie was born on March 2, 1897 and died on January 11, 1985.  She died of breast cancer that was not diagnosed until it was too late, because she didn't believe in doctors.  She had been treating the cancer, topically, with 'home' remedies.  It wasn't until my Aunt saw her getting dressed and saw that her breast was almost eaten away by cancer, that Mommie finally stubbornly agreed to go have it checked out. I'm stopping here to give a gentle reminder to all my female blog followers, as well as myself, to please have a mammogram done.  The National Cancer Institute recommends having a screening mammogram done every 1 to 2 years.  I know it is painful to have your 'boobs' smashed (as I call it), but it is necessary.  There, I said it, now I will get off my soap box.

The influence of my grandmother, as well as my mother, helped to shape the person I am today.  My grandmother was just as much a mom to me as my mother.  Her home was my second home.  My brother even returned to live with her after he got out of the Navy.  I went home to Mommie's everyday after school.  There, I had extended school of sorts.  Mommie was a retired school teacher and she took advantage of every opportunity to 'school' me.  I was writing in cursive long before my classmates, because Mommie taught me.  She taught me English, Biology and yes, the dreaded History, which was her favorite.  But more than academics, Mommie taught me about life.  She was the one who had the 'talk' with me.  My mom was uncomfortable discussing the 'birds and the bees' with me, but Mommie pulled no punches and shot straight.

Mommie took me to church with her until my parents decided to start to go to church regularly.  At that time, she was Pentecostal, so church was kind of a different adventure to me.  Not only did she take me to church, but she also talked to me about the Lord and the Bible.  Those seeds that she planted took root in me and bore fruit when I accepted Christ.  And not only did she 'talk the talk' but she lived it and her faith was strong and evident in her life.  I remember a couple years ago, when my brother was struggling with believing in God, he said if there is a heaven, I know that Mommie (our grandmother), Ma (that's what he calls our mother) and you (yours truly) will be there.  

Some grandparents take a 'hands off' approach to grandparenting, but not Mommie...literally.  She was gentle, kind, and loving but there were consequences if you misbehaved.  I only got three spankings in my life (yes, I deserved more) and two of the three were given by my grandmother.  No sparing the rod and spoiling the child with her.

Mommie never complained about having me or my brother around.  She seemed to enjoy it and so did we.  It all seemed very natural and her love for us was genuine.  Now as I consider my relationship with my grandchildren and how natural it feels to do the things that I do for them and how genuine my love is for them, I realize that Mommie lives on in me.  I may not be exactly like her in many ways, but her influence is obvious in the way that I grandparent.  I only recently realized that grand-parenting seems so natural to me because my grandmother had such a strong influence on my life.

I miss Mommie terribly, but I am thankful that she was my grandmother.  She left a legacy of grand-parenting that hopefully I can emulate.

Happy Birthday, Mommie!

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Happy Birthday Nana!

Today my mom, more affectionately known to many as Nana, is 91 years young.  This blog is dedicated to her.

What a blessing it is to be her daughter!

My memories of my mother are pleasant ones.  I used to call her my 'head cheerleader.'  She was a constant source of support and encouragement.  Much of who I am today can be attributed to the positive influences of my mother and my grandmother (more about my grandmother on her birthday next week).  I speak of my mom in past tense, not because she is deceased, but because Alzheimer's has adversely affected her cognitive abilities to the point that sometimes she doesn't know who she is speaking with when I call her on the phone.  The memories of her live on in me, though. 

My mom said that growing up, I was a 'daddy's' girl.  I'm not too sure about that.  My father was an awesome provider.  I never really lacked anything. Not while growing up, anyway.  I grew up in a middle class family and I knew if I wanted anything, all I had to do was ask my father.  But mom gave much more than material possessions.  Mom gave of herself.  Mom loved me unconditionally, totally, completely.  She believed I could do anything, become anything, accomplish anything I set my mind to do.  Even when I fell short of her expectations (which I did frequently), she would still believe in me and encourage me to keep trying.  'I can't' was not part of her vocabulary nor would she allow it to be a part of mine.

Mom genuinely loved people and people loved her (and still do).  You couldn't be around her without feeling loved and accepted, no matter where you were in life.  In her older years, youth and young adults gravitated toward her.  She was always so open and loving.  Her job as an administrative assistant to the Dean of the Library School at the University of Chicago was perfect for her.  The students loved her and were constantly 'hanging out' in her office.

Mom always lived a 'good' moral life.  She had been exposed to church and religion all of her life.  Her father had even been a Methodist minister.  Her heart's desire was always to help and encourage others in what ever ways she could.  It wasn't until her retirement years, however, that she fully accepted Christ as Savior.  And if you were ever around her, you knew that Jesus was her Lord.  She made sure of that.  Somehow, the conversation would always turn to accepting Christ and going to church, whether she was talking to a friend or family member or even if she was talking to a complete stranger.  The last time I visited her, Alzheimer's had fully set in, yet before I left, she broke into a very LOUD rendition of 'Jesus Loves Me.'

In many ways, I think my life now has begun to mirror my mom's  I genuinely love people and people love me (I think).  I am unashamedly Christian.  I love youth, many of whom affectionately call me 'Grandma.'  My heart's desire is to minister, encourage and love others.  That is my ministry and the purpose of this blog.

Thanks Mom for your unfaltering love.  Thank you for your encouragement and influence in my life and in the lives of others.  Thank you for your legacy.  Your love is priceless.  I am indeed a blessed woman!

Happy Birthday, Nana!

Love,

Your daughter